I sometimes write recap blogs of years or trips. This is not one of those; it is not a chapter in my life. If my life was one of those super long books that’s divided into parts, this would be a whole part with lots of chapters.
First would come the chapters on the searching for the Journey and choosing it for its theology and community even though I had to drive from Belleville, IL. Then it would move to a chapter on mine and Joy’s original Community Group, with its two groups meeting in one house in Soulard. It would talk about the first “adult” party that Joy and I went went to, Eric Manske’s 39th birthday at a bar called Van Goghs. I even for real bought a new outfit for the occasion. Such a big deal !
There would be a chapter on Mission St. Louis, starting with Affordable Christmas and how, when I first volunteered, the basement of Reber smelled of fried fish and I watched the kids run around upstairs. No check in system, but lots of kickballs ¯\_(ツ)_/¯. And how in that event - which I volunteered for because I emailed the only address I could find in the bulletin in fall of 2007- and in the ones that followed, I found the community that I cherished for so many years. How I engaged my passion of education through the reading and Beyond School programs and started to see groups of people differently than I had before and how I was challenged to engage in hard things in a broken city.
There would be a chapter on the days in our UCity apartment where Joy and I tried so hard to find community. In these days, later universally dubbed “the Journey Underground,” where people knew each other regardless of what campus they attended, we invited ourselves to whatever parties we could find until we started to get on “the invite list”. So many themes- White Trash, Black & White, Cinco de Mayo, masquerade, Double/Triple decker, Chili cook offs, pumpkin carving, Halloween, costume roller skating, and on and on. People craving friends and community. And the late nights on Wash Ave and at Telanyas which sometimes led to early mornings at City Diner, which, over the years, led to Bachelor watching parties and reminiscing of the terrible nights on Wash Ave and at City Diner. Very slowly in that season as people married off and the parties quieted down, I settled into a truer community.
There would be a chapter on Community Groups; mine and Joy’s first real one after we moved to MO, led by Tim and Carolyn Holman in their tiny apartment in the CWE in the shadow of the Basilica. Followed by the one in Matt and Courtney’s apartment, leading to my next roommate/apartment and long lasting friends in Jen and Gretchen. And the Waskow Community Group that I got to be a part of for a time, and Mary’s yummy food that I looked forward to all week. And finally back to the Holman’s, and their new house and 2+ kids, where I felt home and family. Even still.
There would be a chapter on the beloved apartment that was christened “3 Dub on the NoRo” and was cherished by so many women . It has outlived all of us and still lives on, mostly in our collective memories and stories. (And is still my Netflix password, lol). The long housewarming parties, the massive Val Day parties and Friendsgivings, and crochet/craft clubs. The haunted apartment across the hall. And the proximity to Forest Park that led to all. the. running. 🏃♀️ And the roommates that we found through random websites that turned into lasting friendships and even international adventures!
There would be a chapter on Journey Youth and the nights in 2010 of walking through the creepy school in the dark so we could meet every other Monday. On the launch of Journey Youth the in fall 2011 with Ryan. On the young women who needed each other and a mentor to feel connected to this church and community in their own lives. Of the relationships formed that I and those girls, now women, still treasure.
There would be a chapter on Journey Kids and my 11 years in the PreSchool wing. Of the funny quotes they say and of the things I learned about special needs and fostering. About the importance of a child feeling connected so their parents have peace . About the connection with other volunteers and how it lead me to a friendship with families like the Kilpers, the Harms, the Wicke’s, the Kornfiends, the Golecs , and so many more . I hope they realize what a blessing they have been to me. About how much Kerry cared about the volunteers and the many tear-y coffees where I felt accepted and loved. About the connection with single volunteers like Kelly and Kaitlin and how we connected over our deep desires for kiddos of our own someday and were loving pouring into “our kids” in this season.
There would be a chapter on how the Journey has interwoven with my work and how the team that I built at my new job for which I was given so much credit for was a product of people I’ve met through this place .
There would be a chapter on the original Saturday Night crowd and being so intentional about creating community. Where I looked so forward each week to church where sometimes up to 30 of us would go out to dinner afterwards, ensuring we looked for stragglers in the sanctuary and invited them. We overwhelmed so many restaurants , lol. Even created a Facebook group to coordinate that at one time had almost 300 people. And how this led to many nights at MoBot, concerts, pool parties, game nights playing Ultimate Charades, and helping each other move (we got real good at it). Of all the trips that came out of this community- to New Orleans, to Colorado, ski trips, so many massively unwieldy float trips. Trips to hiking /wineries, the Grand Canyon, Boston, New York, DC, Michigan, fishing, and so many more. Making memories that will define this time in my life. And how, to me, this lead to spiritual belonging, in the form of morning prayer groups, deep discussions, and knowing that I’d have people there to pick me up if I fell.
There would be a chapter on my Botanical Bungalow, my first real all me apartment, which I secured with the intention of hosting community within. Of people coming over after church and hanging out from literally the day I moved in. Of the community I felt in Shaw surrounded by my church friends. Of the the cat-sitting escapes leading to locked out cats and here-to-stay fleas. Of the women I was able to bless with a place to call home for a time. Of the community gardening adventures leading to more memories than veggies. 🌱 Of the neighbors I ultimately helped bring together on 42xx Botanical to form the best block ever.
There would be a chapter on heartbreak and depression. Over romantic relationships and friendships as they evolved. There would be a time where walking into the four walls of Tower Grove would cause me to have panic attacks because the change from what was to what is was just too hard to wrap my head and heart around.
There would be a chapter on perseverance and rebuilding. On figuring out what was real and what was a figment of my idolatry of belonging. And in this, trying to find God on my own apart from community. And of old friends and new and family that stepped in to help me put the pieces of my heart back together and showed me what Gods agape love looked like when I was utterly helpless.
There would be a chapter on the more recent Saturday night community, where we sat in the back and passed around new babies. Of the merging of all people types , regardless of single, married, kids, etc at Nate’s potlucks and over fried chicken and burritos. Of the comfort that I felt walking in the doors and knowing I was deeply known and genuinely cared for. Of feeling the comfort of home- familiar, tried, and true.
And then...Then there would be a chapter on the recent months of impending loss; knowing that with the close of the Saturday night service, all of these chapters would be coming to a close. This chapter would not have many words. It would be about the soft cover of grief, manifesting itself through heavy looks and glances, knowing it was the final chapter of a beautiful story, but not having words to process. It would be about “last times” and trying not to think that they were last times. It would describe the encounters with people that tell you there is, in fact, life and healing and spiritual health after the Journey . It would also remember loss after loss since 2016, and even before. It would be a bit about hurt and anger and distrust and disconnecting. But mostly, it would be about thanking the 4 walls of Tower Grove, the original Hanley Road, West County (for the one time I did Redemption Group there), and Metro East (for the redemption story of that campus that has touched me and my family).
At 12.5 years, I have been a member of this institution longer than any other thing I’ve been part of (church, school, work). I know, while it’s so hard to say goodbye, I am going to close this door with a deep appreciation for this time and this place and, mostly, these people who have shaped my life. While I know the next thing won’t be able to compare, I’m hopeful for a new spiritual journey. One that leads me down a path of finding what I’m passionate about and doing it . Of meeting people searching for more who challenge me to do the same. Of reconnecting with my faith in a slower, quieter way. Of investing in my city.
I don’t know how to gracefully end this, other than I’m so thankful for this place, which will forever be part of my story, and I a part of its.
Wish all of you the best on the journey.
